The Doctor is now in and has many patients in his waiting room.
Can u believe the foreign policy mess & sickness this administration has gotten us into in six short months—its like they have let loose the swine flu in the White House.
Patients in the waiting room include Russia, North Korea, Iran, Israel, Afghanistan, Honduras, and a very sick person from Canada (who I believe needs a psychiatrist). So under Obamacare, I can break privacy rights and discuss my patients—let start with Russia.
Dr. Moriarity: What bothers you today?
Mr. Russia: Joe Biden
Dr. Moriarity: and why?
Mr. Russia: Because Biden says we will be at the mercy of the USA since our economy is so screwed up! And we wont be able to make you guys take down your missile defenses so we blow Poland off the face of the earth if you guys really give us any grief!!
Dr. Moriarity: Oh, you know Joe—he is somewhat confused over our foreign policy—he believes he is the Secretary of State sometimes—a Senator sometimes and sometimes he thinks he IS the President!!
Mr. Russia: But Biden IS the Vice President!!
Dr. Moriarity: Are you kidding—he just thinks he is the Vice President—he can’t be the Vice President—he is from Delaware!! You know how much toxic waste has been thrown into the Delaware river the last 50 years by that great chemical giant who lives there!! Joe has been drinking that water his whole life..
Mr. Russia: Well, Doc, if you say so—so who is in charge!!
Dr. Moriarity: Mrs. Clinton of course—after all you do know she has 27 multi-colored pants suits!! And she says: “We view Russia as a great power”—said it on a very important TV show here in the states—Meet the Press!. Now I will give you she never defines who WE are but she meant it!! (I really think she meant her and Chelsea during a game of RISK!) Even if Biden was running around places he shouldn’t have been last week like Georgia and the Ukraine—places I know you don’t like us to visit! So I wouldn’t get upset over this cause she went onto say—“It would be diplomatic malpractice not to have people of stature and experience handling policy”—WHOA –that’s serious stuff—I just don’t know who she was talking about. But I can assure u it was not Biden!
Mr. Russia: Well—u guys, including Clinton, better get yourself together—because, getting back to Georgia and the Ukraine, President Medvedev said “we don’t think its right to drag certain countries into military and political alliances against the will of their people”. And let me tell you doctor, he said it on of our very important TV shows—NTV Television (not MTV stupid). I guess, Doctor, we will just have to wait and see..
Dr. Moriarity: Well Mr. Russia—here is your prescription—two bottles of Vodka daily—and take a trip to a warm weather port in the Caribbean.
Mr. Russia: Thank you Doctor
So sports fans—the Doctor dealt effectively with this problem—next in was Mr. North Korea—a really crazy guy who thinks he is on MAD TV.
Dr. Moriarity: What bothers you today?
Mr. North Korea: Joe Biden
Dr. Moriarity: Oh come on—Joe Biden doesn’t have anything to do with North Korea—its one of the few countries he hasn’t screwed up in talking about yet because he hasn’t said anything about you.
Mr. North Korea: That’s the problem—we are trying to cause a problem and Biden is perfect for this but he isn’t around—
Dr. Moriarity: Well what can I say—u can’t have everything—u have missiles—and are a dictator of your country—and u are working on nukes—and are scaring half the world to death!!
Mr. North Korea: That all may be true but we would like Biden involved—
Dr. Moriarity: Sorry can't help you there? I see that our President has really reached out to you for talks—he even sent his favorite schoolgirl to South Korea to try to appease you.
Mr. North Korea: we don’t want to talk to Pat—that’s her name right? Wasn’t she on Saturday night live?
Dr. Moriarity: No, No her name is Mrs. Clinton
Mr. North Korea: Well that’s your opinion—our opinion is that we are always mad at the USA—Obama/shwma---we don’t care about what he says and will continue to threaten you, shoot missiles around and bother everyone else except our friends in China—we always get on CNN when we do that—and Wolf loves us anyway..so, it IS something for us to do.
And let this be straight Doctor—we are part of the evil empire..and we like it—so don’t screw with us!!
Dr. Moriarity: Mr. NK, I am not going to argue with u anymore—but I do have a prescription for u-- your prescription is to get a few nice suits—something that would fit u better than that green thing u wear and also get yourself a barber and literally kill your current one—every time we see you, it appears u just crawled out of bed. A pair of new glasses wouldn’t hurt either.
Nurse: Doctor the next patient is the guy whose name u can’t pronounce—
Doctor: Don’t worry –we’ll just call him Mr. Iranajob for short!
Dr. Moriarity: so what brings you in today??
Mr. Iranajob: Are u Jewish??
Dr. Moriarity: Of course I am not Jewish--u wouldn’t come to me if I was Jewish? --except if u wanted me dead..
Mr. Iranajob: Yeah, Yeah --Look doc I am coming here because ms. Iran 2006, one of my many girlfriends in the harem, is telling me she glows in the dark .
Dr. Moriarity: Well--Iranajob--this doesn't sound good--what does ms Iran 2006 have to say
for her self..
Mr. Iranajob: That’s the tough part Doc--she is dead-didn’t survive the weekend up north at the IPS.
Dr. Moriarity: Iranajob--what is the IPS? ?
Mr. Iranajob: What are u stupid doc--it’s the Iranian Plutonium Spa—The IPS--all of us hang out up there—u know-- near the plutonium “ENERGY” plant.
Dr. Moriarity
Oh--of course--I guess u didn't go there for the "waters" like Rick did in Casablanca—
Mr. Iranajob:
don't be a smart ass doc--I thought she was having a good time --week later she just dropped over and died—local folks told she lit up like a Iranian Christmas tree during one of our 200 jihad holy days.
Dr. Moriarity--Well--lets worry about u—but first of all where are u guys getting the plutonium—your scientists don’t seem smart enough to pull that off themselves—
Mr. Iranajob: You are correct on that one—they can’t—in reality doc and the ironic thing about this –is that we get the plutonium from subsidies from the USA-
Dr. Moriarity: Come on Iranajob—Obama’s not that naive
Mr. Iranajob:Really?? Don’t be too sure about that-- u guys have borrowed so much money from China that they are discounting the interest payments that you pay them and pass on the plutonium at one hell of discount—kind of like that “clunker” incentive u guys have going on with those crummy American cars u sell—the tax payers end of subsidizing our plutonium purchases—same with the North Koreans—u really don’t think they have a clue how to develop a plutonium weapon—have u ever seen that guys hair??
Dr. Moriarity: Well, that is a very interesting and dismaying point—but back to u--my diagnosis is that u have radioactive plutonium poisoning.
Mr. Iranajob:
No way--we r just lighting up our streets and watering the plants with that stuff.
Dr. Moriarity: Iranajob--I don't think so- So as u get gray and begin to die I suggest a tie when ur on TV--or even a bowtie--cause u just look a bit too casual when us Americans see u on TV--which is not good + takes away ur credibility—particularly when you are threatening to wipe Israel off the map and threaten to launch a nuclear weapon—without the tie, people think it’s a joke..
What a busy day in the office and for those of you still following along—there is one important issue that I must bring to your attention that has been mentioned in my HEADLINE.
Obama is now putting horses out of work—those police officers u often see at Yankee stadium and on the streets of some major cities r losing their jobs because of the economy—(the story appeared in the Wall Street Journal last week)--horses in Boston, Toledo (yes Toledo), Baltimore and Cleveland have lost their jobs—this is terrible—so in addition to people losing their jobs because of Obama—he is now eliminating horse jobs—(of course those horses making over $250,000 are excluded from the job losses). So the horses are going to private people or to farms (and u know the farm story—when I was a kid, my mom told me she was taking Snuggles, our dog, to the farm so he would be “happier”---somehow, I don’t think Snuggles ended up “happier”—just like these horses—who most are on their way to Mc Donald’s. So-- enjoy your Quarter Pounders with Cheese this week—particularly the Double Quarter Pounders if they are running specials.
Doctor Hours are over!
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